communication

The Newlywed Game

The Newlywed Game

Imagine getting home from your honeymoon after just getting married. It all happened so fast. It was a whirlwind of planning, and the wedding day passed by with a flurry of activity. The Honeymoon was awesome and breathtaking, but now you find yourself facing a week of work and a life full of all of the challenges that come with being married. Being a newlywed is equivalent to reaching the top of a mountain and peering out over the valley below. Everything you and your new spouse have been working so hard to achieve is now completed! Congratulations! Imagine looking out into that valley… What do you see? Some of you might see kids, other’s new jobs or maybe even a new house. You may even find yourself asking “what’s next?” “What does this marriage have in store for me?” “Am I really married now!?” “Am I ready to play the newlywed game?”

Well, YES you ARE married now and marriage has plenty in store for you. It has the potential to be great, but it has to be worked on. This work doesn’t start 3 years down the road. It started with the marriage counseling that you may have taken but possibly already forgot, continued during the honeymoon, and is further practiced as you step foot in your home.

For example, Miranda and I had a rough go of it during our honeymoon. We were not truly vibing as we always had before. I don’t remember having any fights, or any huge arguments, it just wasn’t the time we had thought it was going to be. It didn’t live up to our expectations of this awesome great time. We had both been dreaming of what our honeymoons would look like since we were very young, and unfortunately it wasn’t living up to the hype.

In a way, this carried over into our first 3 months of marriage. Things were rocky at times and it wasn’t exactly what we expected! Some would probably just say “That’s marriage for you!” (by the way this is a major pet peeve for me, marriage is what you make it!). Regardless, it wasn’t perfect, but I never doubted for a second that Miranda and I were meant to be together. We made a promise to be together for the rest of our lives and it was one we meant to keep! We continued to be intentional about making small changes for the good of the relationship. and soon became newlyweds with a renewed vision for the future. We were determined to keep pressing forward and fight vigorously for each other no matter what.

I am not sure where the major switch occurred, but things started looking up in a major way. We became closer than we ever thought possible, and though all the world may be jealous Miranda is indeed my best friend! Personal story aside, things are not easy! We didn’t get to the point that we are today without realizing that each and every day is an opportunity to learn something new about each other. Each day we have the potential to grow closer and this excites us in a real and tangible way!

However, even amidst the good times, the thought of things not working out can creep its way into your mind. You may even be asking the question “What if we fail?” “What are the consequences if my spouse and I just cant figure things out?”

If we truly looked within we would admit that we all have a fear of failure. So many marriages don’t even see it coming. We tend to fall into the newlywed game. Who will break first? Who will be the one to say that certain things may not be working as things currently stand? No marriage is perfect. Marriage takes intentional conversations and intentional effort!

Don’t stand idly by and accept the status quo. If you aren’t moving forward there is a good chance you might be drifting backwards. Something bothering you? TALK about it. A conflict is almost always worth bringing up. Don’t get caught in the newlywed game of keeping quiet and letting everything go. Live out your marriage intentionally and keep striving forward, and things will get better and better each day!

What are your thoughts on this? Do you have a similar experience or maybe a completely different one? Please share it in the comments below, and be sure to sign up for our newsletter while you are at it.

Thank you for reading and stay intentional!

-Jordan

PS: trouble getting the conversation started? Here is a list of 100 questions to get you talking!

100 Funny Newlywed Questions

Communicating With Your Partner About Fitness

Communicating With Your Partner About Fitness

People are sensitive when it comes to fitness and body image, and just because you’re married doesn’t mean you’re immune to that sensitivity. That’s why it crucial to be open and kind when talking about fitness with your significant other. Calling them a couch potato who needs to eat less take-out will only create an uncomfortable environment and a very defensive loved one! Here are some tips to use while engaging in a conversation with your spouse about fitness.

The single most important thing to remember is to be supportive, getting in shape and staying in shape takes a lot of work. It’s astonishing how much help a supportive partner can be and how detrimental an un-supportive partner can be. Make it clear to your partner that you love them no matter what, and you want them to be the best they can possibly be.

Creating a Safe Space to Talk About Difficult Stuff

Creating a Safe Space to Talk About Difficult Stuff

How do you approach difficult subjects with your significant other? Do you send them an email, write a note, or wait until dinner time to be face to face? Or maybe you bottle everything up and wait until a fight breaks out and the dam opens up? Maybe you just let everything slide off your shoulders and smile continuously, the unbreakable persona of a human being without a care? I doubt you are the latter as very few people are devoid of basic human emotions. If you are one of those few please feel free to read no further! 😉

 

Everyone has different approaches that may (or may not) work for them. I suggest the approach where you do actually talk about things with your partner (I know crazy right?). Create a safe space in which you can bring up the fact that you are having doubts about the relationship, have a problem with your father-in-law, or are worried about your partner’s spending habits. Having a safe space is key to communicating effectively because it allows you to say what needs to be said.

The Art of the “Take Back”

The Art of the “Take Back”

Everyone says things that they wish they could take back. We blurt things out when we are mad, or upset or frustrated. In life we don’t often get the opportunity to take things back and “undo” a moment. Saying “you’re a jerk” to your boss is a quick way to get on his bad side, and maybe even eventually fired! I know that we all wish we could take these moments back and do them over again.

 

What if i told that you that this was possible in your marriage? And no I am not saying I invented a time machine (even though that would be cool!). What if I told you that you and your spouse could create an environment in which you could use “take backs?” Sound ridiculous? We think so too actually, it can truthfully be quite ridiculous at times, but its effectiveness at easing tension is unparalleled.