Everyone says things that they wish they could take back. We blurt things out when we are mad, or upset or frustrated. In life we don’t often get the opportunity to take things back and “undo” a moment. Saying “you’re a jerk” to your boss is a quick way to get on his bad side, and maybe even eventually fired! I know that we all wish we could take these moments back and do them over again.
What if i told that you that this was possible in your marriage? And no I am not saying I invented a time machine (even though that would be cool!). What if I told you that you and your spouse could create an environment in which you could use “take backs?” Sound ridiculous? We think so too actually, it can truthfully be quite ridiculous at times, but its effectiveness at easing tension is unparalleled.
Using this system of communication is all about extending grace to your partner and then receiving grace in return. It helps to eliminate tension before the tension builds. When I use a “take back” I am immediately saying to my wife that I am sorry for what I said and also that I really didn’t mean it. Sometimes when I am talking I say things before I get the chance to really think! If you can resonate with this then you are like most of the people that I know!
Here are some examples of some comments that you can take back:
- “Just go away”
- “shut up!”
- “Please stop talking to me”
There are many more words and phrases that we say to our partner that we may not really mean. Remembering that you are human and make mistakes often is vital to understanding why another person would say that you are “so annoying” or “Why don’t you make ever make sense?” Forgive your partner and extend grace to them to strengthen your connection with that person.
Despite best intentions, it is important to remember that there are just some things that you can’t “take back.” Some things just shouldn’t be said to your partner, regardless of your mood or if they are indeed your true feelings. If you feel like you really need to discuss your mother-in-law, your thoughts on divorce, or even your sexual frustrations, make sure that you do so in a safe place.
Here some examples of things you might want to not say in the first place:
- “I can’t believe that I married you”
- “You are just so stupid”
- “I hate you”
Using this system in your relationship will decrease tension and garner even better communication. There are times when people don’t say anything at all for fear of saying the wrong thing. It is always better to talk and approach conflict, even if you may say things that you really didn’t mean. At least you opened up and talked about it! If you end up saying the wrong thing use a “take back” and say that you are sorry and move on. Dwelling on what was said doesn’t help to move the conversation along to get to the meat of the problem. Talk and share your feelings without fear of slight missteps, because they will happen for sure!
Work together with your partner to increase communication in all subject areas, and your marriage will benefit greatly. Thanks for reading, and make sure to comment with any other topic ideas for us! Good luck!